Kitlers

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Stuff On My Cat

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Is he Mario Lopez or A.C. Slater?

Every February, Mario thinks he’s back at Bayside High, as AC Slater.  Thanks to an implant in his brain, courtesy of Brandon Tartikoff.

watch it at www.teamtigerawesome.com/slater_ep1.html

There are 4 episodes so far, and they’re freaking hilarious.  The real Mario Lopez appears in Episode 4.

An Irishman in a wheelchair  entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the  waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and  asked,  ”Is that Jesus sitting over there?”  The waitress nodded  ”yes,” so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, “My treat.”

The third  patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there, sweet thang! How’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of  Coke!”  He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked,  ”Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress once more nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of Coke, “On my bill.”

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the  Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, “Don’t touch me..  I’m drawin disability!!!!

I recently picked a new doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing fairly well for someone who just turned sixty.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”

He asked, “Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?”

“Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing drugs, either.”

Then he asked, “Do you eat steaks and barbequed ribs?”

I said, “No, my other doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”

“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”

“No, I don’t,” I said.

He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”

“No,” I said, “I don’t do any of those things.”

He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a shit?”

bad joke, courtesy of Geoff:

Two little girls are playing with a ball in the garden. The ball rolls under a nearby bush so Little Susie crawls under to get it out. Unfortunately it’s a thorn bush, so she gets a rose thorn stuck in her finger.

Crying, she runs indoors shouting “Mommy, Mommy, I’ve got a thorn in my finger! Get some apple juice!”

Mum says: “But why do you want apple juice? Wouldn’t a bandage be nicer?”

Susie says : “Well, I was playing with Rosie, and her big sister says that whenever she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider.”

Someone saw this in the Learning Lab at NWACC, where Security is Priority 1.

Headline on the front page of today’s (Tuesday, November 1, 2005) issue of “The Arkansas Traveler“:

Dick Replaces Johnson against Gamecocks